I lived out one of my dearest dreams when I moved to France for the school year, an experience I will forever cherish. But I also lived in a constant state of anxiety, health issues, and intense loneliness. Every morning when I woke up alone in my cold apartment, my muscles would tighten and my senses heighten as I’d remember where I was and prepare for another day of trying to understand a language I so desperately wanted and needed to master.
Through those months, in the midst of my attempt to be as independent as possible, I realized how dependent I am and must be on the Lord. By the end of my stay, I was seeking Him in His Word like never before, reading my Bible and journaling almost daily.
When I returned to the States, I felt safe for the first time in months, but I also kind of shut down. I unpacked my Bible and didn’t pick it up again. I slept more than I was awake, even when I could no longer blame it on jet lag. I wanted to process my trip the best way I knew how, but I couldn’t write… in fact, almost a year since I returned, I’m writing for the first time since France. I was no longer living that dream, but I felt like I was stuck in a dreamlike state.
Apathy feels like sleeping. You’re not dead but you’re not truly living. Apathy is dangerous but stealthy. It sneaks up slowly, chipping away at motivation, taking advantage of exhaustion, weakening faith, until one day you wake up to the realization that your Bible is dusty and your prayer life rusty. (Lecrae, who?)
Identifying apathy is the first step toward rediscovering how to live vibrantly and joyfully again – to wake up from that dreamlike state and move on to the next, new dream. For me, that step looks like writing again.
Mastering the Mastermind 