Gone Days of Summer

I had a sudden memory this morning. Actually, it wasn’t so much a specific memory as it was a feeling that I had forgotten.

I felt for an instant the way I did in the summers of my childhood. School was out, and I had this comforting feeling of delicious giddiness and carefree peace. Summer seemed to stretch on forever back then – long, warm, green days spent outside on my bike or in the neighborhood pool. I remember backyard baseball games and homemade popsicles. I was always tan and usually barefoot.

I’m trying to remember when I lost that feeling. I think my last carefree summer was the one before my senior year of high school. We moved from the neighborhood I grew up in, and I started college applications and my first real job. I still had summer breaks for several years to come while in college, but I can barely remember these other than that they were marked by anxiety and constant busyness. 

Now, I’m sitting in my office in front of my double monitors, watching the sun and sudden rain showers from my window as the summer passes me by once again. I find myself trying to recreate that feeling of authentic joy that summer used to give me.

I don’t know where that feeling came from this morning. It only lasted a moment, but I am thankful for its reminder. Not that I want to live in the past, but that I want to live in the mindset that life is full of warmth and beauty and little adventures. I want to remember why I love summer days and to spend them to the fullest.

I no longer have a bike or the time to spend all day by the pool. I now burn more easily than I tan. But if I take a moment to think about it (like I am obviously doing right now), I realize that even though summertime isn’t the same, it is still wonderful.

I love going on random weekend beach trips with my husband. I love walking in the park in the slightly cooler evenings. I love last-minute tickets to the local minor league baseball game, iced matcha with oat milk, downtown farmer’s markets and festivals, highlights in my hair, recipes using fresh fruit, and the sun through my window. 

With this reminder in mind, this summer promises to be full of sunny potential. And I plan to come back to re-read this post when I am pale and gloomy in the winter so that I can keep clinging to my summer mindset.