I’ve heard it said that time heals all wounds. I’ve never felt the need to question this widely circulated saying until I had to confront a recent hurt. Yes, after time, it’s become less painful and less likely to be the first realization to crash into my mind when I wake up in the morning; there are less tears in my eyes.
But in the process, I’ve become less likely to think about the hurt because I don’t want to feel it. And the hurt then shows itself in subtler, still ugly ways: when I randomly react with hostility; when my social battery drops to 0% without warning; the nausea that’s not related to anything I ate.
I’m starting to wonder: does time actually heal? Or is it just complacency?
Does the lack of pain mean that the wound is healed? Or is it simply numb, just waiting on a chance to bleed again?
Healing so often tends to be a passive process; it’s easier that way. But shorter term pain might lead to long term gain if we look at healing as an active activity.
When I was studying French, I preferred reading and listening to the language versus having to speak or write it. Naturally, receiving language is more passive and less work than having to produce it. Imagine my dismay, then, when I found that when I was forced to speak the language in order to be understood, this proved to be the best method to actually use and retain the language.
Producing language requires action. There are three steps I am learning that should be part of a routine of active healing, and each of these steps involves speaking (as the introvert in me shudders). After all, speech is active. It is thought put into words that are intended to be understood outside of the mind.
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Step 1: Speak to others.
It is not good for man to be alone. (Genesis 2:18). God Himself spoke those words – the first time he had titled something as “not good.”
We are made for community. But just because we are surrounded by other people doesn’t mean we aren’t alone. The most isolated I’ve ever felt was in a crowd. But when I spoke to the person beside me, it didn’t take long to discover our shared experiences and similar fears.
Of course, it’s not always wise to overshare with strangers. Build an inner circle with those who have proven a strong friendship; who will listen when needed and give advice when wanted.
This also brings up the topic of therapy. I have had four different therapists so far in my life, each there for a specific time and life change – and there for the burdens I don’t want my inner circle to have to bear.
Step 2: Speak to yourself.
Our internal speech affects more of our daily lives than we often realize. We do have power over our thoughts, but these can so easily control us instead.
I have found the most beneficial (and socially acceptable) way to talk to myself to be through journaling, as it forces me to produce meaningful language and capture my thoughts (which is biblical by the way! 2 Corinthians 10:15).
Step 3: Speak to God.
There is a fine line between speaking to yourself and speaking to God, and, honestly, this is a line that should be crossed often. As I work on capturing my thoughts, I have to surrender them and make them obedient to the Lord, and these thoughts then to turn into prayers.
Who better to cast our burdens upon than the One who told us to? Who better to understand the struggle than the One who “sympathizes with our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15), yet knew no sin? Who better than the One who died under the weight of a world of hurt? Who better than the Master Healer?
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Each of these steps simply creates a framework for putting thoughts and grief and fears into words instead of keeping them passively trapped in the mind. They aren’t necessarily a cure, but they do make healing an active and aware process.
I’m officially rejecting the saying “time heals all wounds” and coining a phrase of my own: “producing words produces healing.” I feel this to be true even as I write these words.
Mastering the Mastermind 